Missing…

I can clearly recall the times I felt complete
Me and a part of me outside of this body
Me and a part of me sitting on a ledge
Surrounded by my family, my exhausted family in a small temple town
Waiting for something, after a day long prayer event
When that part of me, the one sitting beside me,
The shy one, that spoke in measured words, breaks out into song.
A completely out of tune song that I join in and try to correct.
I catch my sister’s eye
She gives me and that part of me a loving look
Which says — you did good, kid! Hang on to this pure joy, savor it, nurture it.

And so many other times…me and this part of me
Building things together…
So many things…weird things, unusual silly things
Artsy things and edible things
Important things and sombre things
Two heads bent together
Thoughts starting in one
Continuing in the other
That feeling of content, peace
Brilliant smiles and satiated minds
The sheer joy and laughter
Oh those unbridled belly laughs!
The feeling of fullness
Of love…
Overflowing, flooding even…

And yet, the missing was always there
A part of me wasn’t always in its expected place.

My wanderlust, my need for new experiences
Took me to wonderful far off places
A part of me gaped at pyramids and baby bears
Swam the reefs and jumped off planes
Travelled hours to see flowers and dance in the rains
So much wonder
Yet there was sadness, a longing
Because you see…part of me stayed behind

Without my smile reaching that other pair of eyes
The circuit was broken
And it failed to make its way to my own

Things happened, the conduit shrank, the smiles turned to scowls
The joy and fullness replaced by fears foul.
And that one being finally torn apart forever

And it is still here…
The missing…
Because a part of me will never be in its expected place.