Gray Matters
Two years ago, a quiet voice said to me, enough. No more of this farce. Let’s stop now?
So I stopped. Coloring my hair that is.
I think it was because I wanted my time back.
I spent a minimum of 3 hours every 3 weeks at the hair dressers.
I would schedule appointments on weekday afternoons and work from the salon as she had very good wi-fi. The appointments were made months in advance. Meal planning was done to accommodate the appointment. It was quite a high priority task!
The quiet voice said to me — what are you doing? Is all this jugglery really worth it?
I think it was because I wanted to be free of the constant stress.
Is my gray showing? Does it look bad?
Should I do a touch up at home? Should I get an earlier appointment? But wait, this date does not work for that event.
The quiet voice said to me — everyone sees three inches of gray one day, and they also see that it’s gone the next day. Who do you think you are fooling?
I think it was because I wanted to stop pouring harsh chemicals into my body via my scalp.
My hair was thinning, getting frizzy. And that’s not even the worst part. Women stop coloring their hair when they are pregnant because it is harmful to the baby. Then why we do not give the same consideration to our own health is a mystery.
The quiet voice said to me — is it worth risking your health to make your hair look marginally like it did 20 years ago?
That quiet voice won and I stopped coloring.
Thankfully the fear of looking “older” was not on my mind. I had started acknowledging, accepting and then celebrating my age and my experiences soon after I turned 40.
My hair had started graying in my mid-20s. It is a genetic thing inherited from one parent. Accepting this change in my appearance was not easy since I had been doing this for almost half my life!
I didn’t know what to expect. From the people around me, from my hair, and from myself.
I joined a support group on Facebook. Members were sharing their journeys. Sharing tips about how to handle the transition which is the hardest part.
That “skunk” look is terrible indeed! Put on a headband to cover it up. Color the colored hair silver in gradients. Cut it all off.
None of these options worked for me.
Headbands gave me headaches.
I absolutely did NOT want to color my hair again, and this process actually involved bleaching. Big NO!
Cutting it all off in a pixie was a possibility, but I didn’t like that look.
So I endured.
I spent so much time on that support group. I spent so much time stressing about what next and how do I handle this? The group was great, just what I needed to start out, but it was turning into an obsession.
The quiet voice spoke again, and said — what are you doing? Are you actually getting your time back? Do you truly have your mental freedom?
The quiet voice made sense. I quit the group and stopped stressing.
Every morning since then, I would look in the mirror and instead of thinking “how bad is it today?”, I would ask “what’s new today?”
This was fun! I was discovering new patterns of growth and also discovering how pretty my face looked without the stress of judgement.
I made some very interesting observations.
Some toddlers I met at parties were scared of me. They admitted it was because of my hair. Another child I met at a doctor’s waiting room could not stop staring and gaping. It was hilarious!
What occurred to me is that these kids had probably never seen a grey haired woman before. That was sad and shocking.
Youngsters in their teens, in their 20s and in their 30s — all reached out to me and said, wow you look SO cool!
Some even said I will never color my hair to hide my grey.
The funniest comment from the youngsters was a variation of — “very cool! Where did you get it done?” Or “is this natural?”
Folks who were closer to my age or older were the ones with reservations.
To those who said “it does not look good” — my response was “that’s ok, I don’t have to see it anyway”. And they got the hint 🙂
Some said “it does not match the rest of your body”. Even better! I am the queen of mismatch 🙂 To some others that could not get over it and repeatedly made snide comments, I had to spell out very clearly: I don’t know what your intentions are, but your comments are not bothering me. I am very secure in my decision. Some were genuinely curious about how this works. I got questions like “oh so will you be working from home now? They assumed I would not leave the house anymore because of my hair color 😂”
Overall, I mostly got positive feedback. The people I worked with everyday and saw me everyday behaved the exact same way with me.
Close friends were very encouraging. It didn’t matter to them what my hair looked like. The person is who mattered to them, and for that I am eternally grateful.
So here are pics exactly two years apart, in the same dress and my mother’s earrings.
No makeup (the old pic did have some). Only lipstick simply because I love color! No product or styling on the hair. I don’t even use a blow dryer these days!!
I don’t have bad hair days anymore. I let my hair decide what it wants to look like and it hasn’t disappointed me yet! I have had zoom calls right after I wake up without a chance to run a brush through my hair. I have got comments — omg your hair, what did you do! I say, I slept on it 😛
I am not bragging, it is the honest to goodness truth!
The benefits of being my true self have been huge. Time and money saved are the tangibles. The intangible mental freedom is hard to explain! I am more confident, I actually get taken more seriously by people I meet for the first time. My skin is healthier, my hair is healthier, my smile is more genuine.
I am happier — because I no longer look for flaws in myself the first thing in the morning!
And to that quiet voice I say, thank you!
